The Good Side of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence touches every community from the poorest of poor families to the richest of rich families. Domestic violence doesn’t believe in prejudice, it knows no boundaries and the damage domestic violence inflicts on some of the silent victims, is sometimes inexplicable in its means. As well, the children suffer from secondary afflictions caused by the traumatic lifestyle that they’ve been forced into as well.
People find themselves in a circumstance that sometimes appears that there is no way out and a person caught up in a life of terror can’t remember what brought them to the point in which they find themselves, nor do they know what to do to help their children.
Researchers have long known that children learn what they see, what they hear, what they experience in their surroundings and that’s one factor that keeps domestic violence in business.
Children who live in families plagued by domestic violence suffer, they see their parents beaten and cursed at by the abuser, and the effects can be devastating. Children can develop phobias associated to the abuse; post traumatic stress disorder or other forms of anxiety and ultimately, can become abusers later in life.
There’s no doubt it’s hard to break the chains, it’s hard to leave, it’s hard to start a new life but it can be done.
Now more than ever there are more organizations that work to protect families. Even though there are many sides to domestic violence, deep down inside a person knows they should leave but the mental aspects of the battering cloud reasonable thoughts of getting out. For many abused people, a time comes when there is a breaking point and they can’t take anymore. This is the most important time for an abused person and their family, because most often, the breaking point is the last decision.
What is so sad about domestic violence is that so many people find themselves in that very same situation, but they stay. They stay out of fear, out of love for their abuser they hope will change, from the mentality inflicted upon them by their abusers that, “you’re worthless,” “you’ll never make it without me,” “if you leave, you’ll never get the kids,” “if you leave, I’ll kill you” or “if you leave, I’ll kill your mom.”
When someone is constantly spoken to with never ending threats, no matter how stupid they may sound at first an abused person is being abused every day and they know what their abuser does to them … the abuser’s capabilities and so they assumes that everything the abuser says is true. And so they stay, letting the opportunity of their breaking point” pass by simply because they have given up and most likely will in fact die at the hands of their abuser. Their breaking point may never come again.
Then the children are left behind, innocent victims of domestic violence.
Getting out is hard but your children are suffering even more than you are and as tough as it is, rationalize your thoughts.
You are worthy, you are a great parent, you can make it on your own, you will find love again, you can succeed – why do you think your abuser wants you? They know what you can do but they choose to manipulate you, to make you believe you are nothing because they need control.
If you know someone who is being abused, help him or her. Talk to them; help them make sense of everything, find community resources, remind them the impacts of their situation on their children and help get their self-esteem back. Domestic violence isn’t the start of a relationship and it doesn’t have to be the end. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Domestic violence has not defined who you are. If you need help, find it because life on the other side, it’s worth living.
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